My story is not as painful as some but it was painful enough to break me. I would like to tell you that my life got turned upside down because I was married to an alcoholic, but the truth is that my like got turned right side up because I had an alcoholic in my life. You see without the pain of that experience I would still be a prisoner of war of my past. That painful experience forced me into action. It forced me to reach out for help. It forced me to change the way that I thought about things and the way that I did things. It changed my heart, but most importantly of all, it freed me to become the person that God intended for me to be in the first place.
My problems began long before I met my alcoholic. Even though I was not raised in an alcoholic home I learned very young about, rejection, powerlessness, fear and intimidation. It left me with a desperate aching need to feel loved and accepted at almost any price. You might say I was a codependent in training right out of the womb.
I have been hanging around recovery programs for many sunsets now and my life has changed dramatically for the better because of it. Through the years I have learned that recovery is an ongoing process and one that you never graduate from. Through this process I have struggled with letting go of the life that was familiar to me even though it cause me pain.
A recovery program saved my life, my sanity and it gave me hope. It challenged me and taught me the importance of being honest with myself and it taught me to examine my motives. I love the peace, joy and happiness that this program has helped me to claim for my life. I am a pretty happy girl now, but not because I never have problems any more. Everyone has problems from time to time in their life. I do too. And it is certainly not because I have mastered this program to perfection. Ha! Ha! I wish! I am still human and live in a human world so perfection is not ever going to happen. I mess up from time to time. Every once in awhile I wallow in some self-pity and on occasion I will get some stinking thinking. But the difference in my life now and what it was back then, is that now I know how to get myself out of it.